The Prayerful Ponderings of Nick's Pen

The following article was originally published by Impactus, entitled: Want Revenge Try This Instead Forgiveness , Life Issues by Nick Helliwell September 16, 2021

How do you define the word “father”? A number of years ago I took part in a Impactus | Promise Keepers Canada workshop called Fatherhood . One of the first things we were asked to do was write out a definition of the word “father.” Extraordinary. No one had ever asked me that before! Well, I wandered around a bit while I prayerfully looked up the word “father” in the dictionary of my mind. Nothing. Nada. Total blank. Oh, the word was there in my vocabulary all right – I could use the word in a sentence, for sure. But what did the word actually mean to me? If you look up the word “father” in the dictionary of your mind, what does the word mean to you? Years later, as a men’s pastor and now leading the same workshop in a number of different locations, I have since had the privilege to ask literally thousands of men that question. A number of fascinating things have emerged that I would like to share. Our Definitions Are Loaded With Emotion First, for most men, the word is loaded with emotion. For most of the men I have asked, they are immediately hit with such an intense wave of emotion that it is at first difficult to actually see what they are looking at. Imagine the thick smoke of a fire that hangs in the air. Some men are assaulted by the haze of emotion that blocks the view. Some men are indifferent to it. For some men, the haze has hung in the air for so long they barely notice the haze. Why bother digging it out now? Why is it important? Because more than any other role, more than any other way in which we define ourselves, being a father is the closest we come to reflecting the image of God. Think about it for a moment. How did Jesus say we should pray? “Our Father…” Throughout scripture, God tells us that he desires to be our father. Not just a father. Our father. More than any other role, being a father is the closest we come to reflecting the image of God. So what does the word even mean to you? Our Definitions Are Universal The second thing I have found out is that there are themes that emerge when men finally sit down to write out what a father is. Mentor, Discipline, Love (affirmation, nurturer, etc.) and so on – I know of about 10 themes that emerge – there are possibly more. What comes to your mind? And the fact is that the themes of fatherhood are universal. Dr. Steve Masterson says they are “written on our spiritual DNA.” I find it amazing that these similar themes inevitably emerge. If there is any evidence of being made in the image of God, then surely this is it. Defining Ourselves As Fathers Can Be Difficult “Father” remains a largely unexamined word for most men. Is being a father simply a role for us, or is it something that we actually define ourselves by? When asked, “Who are you?” most men don’t answer, “I am a father of James, Todd and Mary.” The kids come up later if they come up at all. “Okay, but really, what do you do?” is really what we want to know. Yet of these two things -what we do and being a father – which is the more lasting and real? Jobs come and go. Careers can change in a heartbeat. Yet every man with adult children knows that you never really stop being a father. Jobs come and go. Careers can change in a heartbeat. Yet every man with adult children knows that you never really stop being a father. Which brings us back to the emotions that surround the word “father.” This is another one of my discoveries. That most men I have talked to are confused, or uncomfortable, or feel uneasy defining themselves by a word soaked with emotion. Like a wrench or plug dropped in the oil pan filled with oil you have just drained, you have to reach into that goop and fish it out, let it drip, and then wipe it off before you can continue using it. Which may be why it is a largely unexamined and uncomfortable part of our lives. If we are to know who we were created to be, then we need to know what it means to be made in the image of God – who is our Father. We need to re-connect ourselves to the word “father.” We need to look at how we define the word. We need to take it apart, find the parts that need attention and re-assemble it, so it is useful again—kind of like taking a carburetor apart. Some parts need cleaning, some need replacing, some need straightening. What does your definition look like now? Rebuilding My Definition Of Father So back to my story. My definition needed a whole new rebuild. It’s taken me over 12 years to come up with something I am definitely proud of. I take it out now and then, just to admire it. It’s still not finished, and I keep tinkering with it and trying new things, but it works beautifully for me. Want to see it? A father, primarily through example of a living faith, is to lay down the foundational belief systems in his home which will guide his immediate family and future generations toward a healthy, God-centered relational view toward life, the world, and humanity. Whew! Take a look at them apples! Like I said, it took a LOT of work, literally hundreds of hours. It’s not just a list of do’s and don’ts anymore. Not just a list of character traits that I try on to see how well they fit. Noooo… it’s a mission statement. Something to live up to but also something that reflects who I am. Who I aspire to be. It’s bigger than my job, it’s bigger than, well, everything. Except God. It’s a definition I find myself drawn into, who I was created to be – that is, a man made in God’s image. So, what does your definition of the word “father” look like? Does it need an overhaul?

How the Covid-19 Pandemic might affect mens' role in the family.

A very Merry Christmas to Everyone from our 'bubble' to your 'bubble'! Many things are different at Christmas time this year for our family, as I am sure for yours as well. One year, Vivian and I told our family that we would host Christmas meal at our place, and 70 people showed up! We have always had a big family Christmas, and for us Christmas has always been about putting family first - it's who we are. So it is difficult this year to be confined to just our household, but of course our household is larger than most. For the 2020 Christmas supper this year there will only be 12 people at the table! I need to take a moment and thank those who have so generously given to us to support our ministry and us not only at this time of year but also throughout the year. We are so grateful to have been so blessed, we simply cannot say Thank You enough. Vivian has been cooking through most of the night. We are sending out cooked Turkeys, Cabbage Rolls, Potatoes, Bannock, and Cookies to others who cannot join us in person for at this special day. Of course it is Jesus who fully deserves all praise, honour and thanksgiving today, and in spite of all the disruption, tragedy and disease that has rocked our world this year, He is still our Emmanuel, He is still King of Kings, He is still the Word made Flesh and He is still worthy of all our Love. So whatever changes have happened this year, however your Christmas may be looking different, Vivian and I pray that you will remember the Babe that was Born of the Father's will, conceived of the Holy Spirit, especially so that He could choose to die even as He chose those He predestined to adopt as His own before the foundation of the World. There are things destined to happen this Christmas and throughout the New Year that God has planned out since before time began that are only now being realized. I pray that we do not miss seeing Him at work still, and praise Him, and thank Him, and worship Him. May the Christ of Christmas always bring Warmth to your Hearts and Homes, and Depth to Your Joy, ... In Every Season! Amen. With Love in Christ, Upon Whom All our Hope is Laid, Nick & Vivian Helliwell & Family!

I had to laugh a bit today as this devotional thought formed in my head. As an illustration, I thought of a person wearing a mask - a disguising mask or a costume mask, but when I googled 'person wearing a mask' I, of course, got people wearing medical masks. It is after all, 2020. We will always remember the masks we wore. But to the point - I was thinking costume masks.   Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from   God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. (1 Cor. 6:19,20) Paul is talking about sexual immorality in the church. But my mind started to expand that idea. Every year I write down something that I have learned and one year's lesson I recently added to my website:   The most authentic expression of who you are is not what you think you are, but who God created you to be. So today's scripture collided with that thought and took off, but let's back up the train. God's word, the Bible, tells us that God equates sexual immorality with idolatry, and this passage in 1 Corinthians gets right down to that point. But following the logic we can see some other things are involved it what this is saying. We are created by God. He knows us better that we know ourselves. He knows our talents and weaknesses, our hurts and all the discisions we have made in our lives and why we made those decisions. Our decisions have defined who were became. We came into this world, and until we surrendered to God, we learned how to define ourselves apart from him based on the decisions we made and why we made those decisions. We told ourselves who we are, or at least who the world would see, either consiously or unconsiously we decided to project an image to the world. Because that image we created was based on decisions we made, it was not founded on who God created us to be. Therefore it is not according to God's definition. It is not an authentic expression of who we truly were created to be. The truth of the matter is that this is the condition of all of us to one degree or another. We have all made decisions about who we are that have waylaid us from the direction of who God created us to be. We have 'made up' a part of ourselves. And as long as we choose to hold on to those parts of ourselves, we remain unauthentic to some degree. That is the disturbing part. From my perspective, those parts of me that I decided define who I am are there for good reason. This hits the heart of why I am the way I am. Am I not supposed to love myself? Does God not love me as I am? I happen to have a lot invested in who I am. I am a survivor after all. I would not have survived if I did not tell myself the things I did in order to get through it all. If I did not make the decisions I did about myself. Then there is that small still voice that asks, "Do you think I created you with that temper?" or "I gave you ten talents, how many do you have left?" I realize that this is going to hurt. Like pulling a rotten tooth or open heart surgery, or like the aputation of a gangreous foot. I need to be willing to undergo the proceedure. I must surrender to the process of dis-cover-y; to be un-covered; to be exposed; to be seen for who I really am. That is truly a fearful thought. And suddenly God becomes One to be feared. And all I have is His Word, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Proverbs 1:7 Will His Word be enough? Am I willing to step out of my mask, be exposed for who I am, or will I shrink back and continue as I am. A hypocrite. A coward. A liar. Very disturbing. The comforting thought is that His Word became flesh and dwelt among us. (John 1:14) As advent season is upon us, I have to admit, I have seen His glory - the glory of the Son. And the fact is that it is 'full of grace'. A whole ocean of grace. As I think of the grace - His GRACE poured down upon me. That I survived all that I did. It wasn't me or my decisions after all. It was Grace. And every day that I live, surrounded by all that my life has become, I am brought to tears thinking of the Grace - the Grace of him who first loved me, while I was still his enemy. I have to admit, I have seen His glory. and it was full of Grace. And Truth. He who poured out his Grace upon me, wants more Truth. In me. No more mask. Can I handle it? Will I choose to be filled with his grace and truth ? The comforting thought is that He does know who I am. He also knows who he created me to be. If I could only be that - who He created me to be. That would be me being AUTHENTIC . That is what I want. That is who I want to be. So while I might have to wear medical masks for quite a while longer, the costume mask has to go. I was lost. But now I'm found. I was blind. I choose to see.

Today was an excellent service at Healing Hearts in Regina. As usual, my family joined the service via Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pg/healingheartsregina/videos/ Every Sunday, we gather in the living room and cast the service onto our TV. (Amazing age we live in!) Anyway, Pastor Bob Lydiate is preaching through the book of Isaiah and today's sermon was on chapter 28, in which the verse quoted by Peter is found: Isaiah 28:16 " therefore thus says the Lord GOD, “Behold, I am the one who has laid as a foundation in Zion, a stone, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone, of a sure foundation: ‘Whoever believes will not be in haste.’ " (ESV) Bob made a number of good points, and I would encourage you to check his sermon out. If you have never attended Healing Hearts Ministry Service, then consider yourself invited to join us online Sundays, 11:00 am CST. So one point that caught my attention was about the 'Precious Cornerstone' - a reference to and title of Our Lord. The word translated 'in haste ' in the ESV, is similar to the KJV but translated in other versions differently. You may be familiar with the NLV: " never be shaken . " or the NIV: " never be stricken with panic . ", the ASV: " will not be disturbed . " or the CEV: " will never be disappointed . ". I have a Hebrew translation, so as soon as Bob mentioned these other versions, I needed to do a word study. The Verse in the Hebrew Bible is this: "Therefore thus said the Master the LORD: I am about to lay a foundation stone in Zion, the stone for a tower, a precious corner, a solid foundation. He who trusts shall have nothing to fear ." Boom! What a word for this past year! The year has been fraught with all kinds of things that would steal the Hope of the Advent season, kill the peace of Christmas and destroy the joy of this time of year. I was reminded that we have an enemy who has been given a time. But his days are numbered and will come to an end. And IN THAT DAY... remember that phrase in verse 5? In that day... see verse 21 and on - For the Lord will rise up as on Mount Perazim; as in the Valley of Gideon he will be roused; to do His deed - strange is his deed! and to work His work - alien is His work! We, who trust in His leading shall have nothing to fear, we will never be shaken or stricken with panic, we will not be disturbed or disappointed. We shall have nothing to fear. Although the Lord's work is strange and even alien to us, He knows how to bring all that trust in him, safely through. This is not our home. This world is not our reward, not our resting place, not our comfort. How can we anticipate the fullness of our inheritance when we are seeking comfort in this life? The Christmas Season, far more than a time of comfort and joy in this life, should be a time of anticipation of the unimaginable comfort and Joy that God has prepared for us. It is on the PROMISE that our cornerstone is to be found. The Word given to us - the Word made Flesh who dwelt among us - the indwelling Word - Christ in us - that is the hope of Glory. So today I take hold of that Joy. The Joy that is laid upon the Chief Cornerstone and Foundation that is laid in Zion. With renewed joy, the hymn resounds today's message to my heart: Mild he lays his glory by Born that man no more may die Born to raise the sons of earth Born to give them second birth Risen with healing in his wings Light and life to all he brings May the Christ in Christmas always bring warmth to your heart and Depth to your Joy... In Every Season!

So I finished my painting today. Painting a summer scene in winter provides ample fodder for rumination. While I was painting, my mind wandered back through this past year. It truly has been the strangest of times. According to all the old sci-fi books and flicks, we are supposed to be flying around in airborne cars, sending colonists to Mars or beyond, and kidding the old-schoolers who still drive around vintage combustion engine cars. But who would have thought that 2020 would have ended up as strange as it has? Kids sent home in March and again three whole weeks before Christmas. How about being told to stay home - and they DO! Working from home being the norm, a grocery stockboy providing an ESSENTIAL SERVICE, and weekly online Zoom meetings for everything from church, to fitness classes, virtual powwows, to board meetings. But behind and always accompanying all this; the sobering thought - those who have died this year. A pandemic crisis that literally touched every corner of the globe. Strange for me, I actually have not had anyone in my family sick or die from the pandemic this year. I know people who have. Lots of people. It seems to be the thing people ask these days; even more than talking about the weather. Strange. But I am one of the few who can answer, "We are all healthy safe and happy." And then I learn of someone else who is sick, or in hospital, or has died. So as I was painting, I was thanking God for our blessings, reflecting on the year for our family and for me personally. And it has been strange. Early this year, I received my 60's scoop settlement payment. Because of the pandemic. I used it to buy a new TV, I built a new deck, and put a good chunk of change away for a - well, a rainy day??? Thank you Lord. The new deck. uhuh. Twice as big as the old one, with two levels, the upper level covered with a beautiful gazebo, plenty of storage space underneath. Thank you Lord! Talk about the quality time too. Time well spent with my son, my nephew, my grandson, and some good ol' boys from the church and neighborhood as well. Driving screws while diggin' deep into men's hearts, building relationships while building railings. Thank you Lord! As a Chaplain, I was sent home in March until August, and then again sent home in mid-November. I am however still being paid for my part time position. Thank you Lord. So I published my bible study, the Journey Through the Bible Discipleship Course is my first published work. Thank you Lord! We also, because of the pandemic, decided to keep our kids at home and enroll them in online learning in September. Now in December, when all the schools are once again closed down, we are not scrambling for computers, trying to set up our network, connect to virtual classrooms, or whatnot. Our kids know the routine, they are up and running online every weekday morning like -well, clockwork. Thank you Lord. A bonus of all this time off and kids at home is that I have spent more quality time with my kids than I ever was able to before. Thank you Lord. Oh yeah, did I mention the new website? The things that got done this year. Thank you Lord. The living-room got painted this year, the front lawn got replanted, our family is healthy, safe and happy. Thank you Lord! All in the midst of a global pandemic and all the chaos and uncertainty; the fears and worries and grief and theories... we are untouched by it all. Quietly abiding. Strange. Yet, thank you, Lord.  Maybe that is why I chose a summer scene in winter. For all of these. For your assurance, your promise, your provision and protection. THANK YOU, LORD. Amen.

I enjoy spending time in the bible, although I must confess that I have been more slack these days as we have had a very busy weekend. The bible is no ordinary book. The very words of the bible have power. For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4 12 Jesus said that the word of God will set you free: So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8: 31,32 The words of the bible spoke into Vivian and my life at a time when we were truly seeking God. The word literally answered our prayer as well as our question: When we asked God to come into our life, we both felt something move through our body as if light were a liquid being poured in the top of our head. As this light flowed into us, we also felt the blackness like a sludge flowing out the bottom of our feet. The experience was so incredible and wonderful, we started jumping up and down. We were both laughing and crying and holding one another like two little kids. "What was THAT?" I exclaimed. "Quick, get the bible!" shouted Vivian excitedly. We opened it up and this is what we read: "who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls." 1 Peter 2:24-25 "For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and 'keeper' of your souls" is how I translated it. Our experience is not unique. I have heard a lot of testimonies about how people have received a timely word from the Bible. That is why I am so adamant about teaching people how to read the bible. Not just the New Testament either, but the whole bible. Years ago, I developed a reading plan to lead Sunday school groups and bible study groups through the whole bible. It is called Journey Through the Bible and I have finally submitted it to be published. Those are the readings I have been sharing. I truly believe that the words of the Bible, written on a person's heart, have the power to transform that person, but also the power to impact the world around them. It certainly has impacted the world around me. My prayer for these devotionals is that they encourage people to read the Bible on a regular basis. To develop a daily habit of bible reading. God Promises that his word will produce good fruit in your life. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. John 15:16

By now you know I believe in God, and I know you do too, but what do most people mean when they say that "I believe in God?"If you were to ask a 100 people if they believe in god, I think most would say yes. I think especially these days. Even though they might be angry about god, or think he is distant, disinterested, disconnected or worse, impotent to the current situation, I think that most people would still say they believe in god. But if you listen closely, what they are actually saying though is that there is a god. That god exists. That is not what I mean when I say I believe in God. My son came to see me the other day, and like all dad’s I sometimes get a little concerned about what I see. He would say that I am mad at him, and he, like sons sometimes do, gets mad at me for being mad at him. But in spite of all my concerns, I still believe in him. After all, he is my son. There is nothing that he could do to shake or dislodge my faith in him. Now what am I saying about my son. That I believe he exists? Of course not. I am saying that I believe in who he is. I believe in the goodness of his heart and soul. I believe in his dignity. I believe in his aptitude. I believe in his future, his destiny. I believe in his potential, I believe in his faith, his strength as a man, his courage and ability to conquer whatever I might be concerned about at the moment. I believe in all those things about him that I cannot see with my eyes. When I say that I believe in God, that is what I mean. I believe in who God is, in His person. I believe in His goodness, in His heart and love. I believe that He is one who keeps His word, that He is truthful. I believe in His abilities. I believe in His courage, strength and character and spirit. (not that He is Spiritual here, but in His spirit of love, goodness and righteousness) I believe in all those things I cannot see. 2 Cor. 5:7 says we live by faith, no by sight. And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him. Hebrews 11:6 it is not enough to believe that there is a god. “Even the demons believe—and shudder!” James 2:19 Rather we must believe in Him as a person. Thank you & God Bless, Nick Helliwell Pastor of Men's Ministry Healing Hearts Ministry